(Not familiar with the Jian Ghomeshi trial? Very briefly- an influential national radio host gets fired from his job amid sexual assault allegations. He claims the women actually consented to being hit, punched and choked. Three of his many accusers agree to testify against him, and- no big surprise here- when the case goes to trial, the defense rips the three women to shreds, completely destroying their credibility. So much so, that the defense didn’t even bother to call any witnesses. A story we’ve all heard a million times before.
I rarely choose to write about news stories in this space, but this particular story has been on my mind more than most for reasons that will become obvious in the letter that follows. Read on…)
Dear Jian Ghomeshi,
I have been following your story since you were fired from the CBC. And I’ve been following your trial with particular interest. Well, as much as I can, anyway- as a woman and a mother of a six-year-old girl, stories of influential men (allegedly) abusing their power tend make me a little bit sick to my stomach. So let’s just say I’ve been doing my best to follow along.
Your defence attorney is a real pitbull. She’s thorough. And she’s intimidating. You chose well. Because the real question in this case was one of consent (as you’ve never denied your penchant for ‘rough sex’), and the burden of proof lies solely with the prosecution, her job has actually been rather straight-forward. She simply had to destroy the credibility of the witnesses for the prosecution- your accusers. And, to that end, she has done a fine job. You must be pleased… and feeling relatively certain of your impending acquittal. At this point, even I am fairly certain of your impending acquittal.
But that doesn’t mean that I think you are innocent.
You see, I consider myself to be a rational, well-educated, independent woman. Yet, once upon a time, I dated a man who liked to leave me covered in bruises. I mean, he never tried to CHOKE me, but one of his favourite activities was pinching and twisting the soft skin under my arms. At times, I was so swollen and sore, I couldn’t let my arms drop to my sides. And I stayed far longer than I should have, despite being in a world of physical and emotional pain. Do you honestly believe the fact that I stayed with him implies that I consented to these acts? You must, since that is the crux of your defense- but I am here to tell you that women stay in abusive situations all the time because human emotions are complex. It is not an easy thing to rationalize having feelings for someone who engages in hideous, unspeakable acts. They never, EVER stay because they enjoy the abuse.
So, for me, the fact that your accusers continued to have contact with you after the (alleged) abuse took place, is not exactly surprising. It is nothing new. And- in my mind, anyway- it does nothing to help your defence.
On the other hand, the fact that you had the foresight to save evidence that your accusers had contact with you after the (alleged) assaults, well- it certainly tells me something about you. It tells me that you are a master manipulator. It tells me that you knew you did wrong, you saw the potential for legal trouble, and tucked away what you believed to be evidence that these (alleged) assaults were actually consensual. Just in case. Wow. Now that I’m thinking about it- it was a brilliant move. If you actually chose to use your powers for good rather than evil, I might actually admire you.
No matter what the outcome of your trial, it is my belief that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. It seems unlikely to me, as a woman who has suffered abuse in the past, that all 23 of your accusers are conspiring to ruin you by slinging completely false allegations. It seems unlikely to me that the few brave women who stepped forward to testify at your trial would choose to open themselves up to such intense scrutiny and criticism just to spurn you. That’s just not how women work.
Your trial is coming to a close today, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to walk away a free man at the end of this. But even if you do, your life is forever changed. I may not know you personally, but I will be watching what you do next. And so will EVERYBODY else. Your freedom is a gift, and I sincerely hope you use it wisely. Use it to look inward, seek enlightenment and understanding, and find some way to atone for your actions. You owe your accusers, your friends and your family that much.
But I doubt that you will. Men like you rarely do.
Sincerely,
A Former Fan
